JTN, Channel 777 news
by NeverRoses
Summary: I's hit writer's block, hard. I cope by by making crack series; The cast of Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro now have their own news channel and it's popularity is already through the roof! So come watch! This isn't the News, anything but the news, This is JTN!


Disclaimer: I do not own Majin Tantei Nougami Neuro.

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The screen went from black to a blue room with a giant spinning globe in the background. There was a long fancy glass table close to the camera.

Neuro and Yako sat at the desk, straightening their papers. They looked at the camera, Neuro acting oh so innocent.

"Hello and welcome to JTN, channel 777 News." Neuro started, smiling innocently. "I am Nougami Neuro."

Yako then smiled at the camera. "And i am Katsuragi Yako."

Neuro nodded towards her and the camera centered on him as a small screen appeared next to his head with a destroyed campus in pictured veiw.

"Earlier today, there was a extremely destructive fire that near, destroyed Tokyo university. No one knows what caused it and we'll be checking on this story periodically." He smiled at the camera and gestured to his left, towards Yako. "On to you Yako-Sensei."

The camera switched to Yako. "In other news, there have been more sightings of Kaitou X, also known as Sai, in the downtown tokyo area. He seems to be moving towards the warehouse distract, oops! Sorry, He seems to be moving towards the warehouse _district_ is what i meant." She smiled nervously, chuckling in the same manner.

Neuro grabbed her head and slammed it on the table.

"Ah, ah. Gomen, Sensei apologises for that mistake." With one last grind into the table he released her head, leaving her with an extremely red nose.

"ie, anyway Sasazuka Eishi, our weatherman, our political host, and our and travelling reporter, is having his 32nd Birthday four saturdays from now on December 27th." She said, a picture of Sasazuka coming up on screen. "So, wish him a happy birthday okay?" She nodded at the camera.

"Now to Sasazuka-san for the Weather." The screen next to Yako's head changed picture to a screen and Sasazuka standing next to it. The camera zoomed in and it's special effected so that the small screen became and main screen and Sasazuka was no on camera, on air.

sasazuka stood there, smoking, head cocked slightly to the left in his normal tanish outfit. His left hand was in his coat pocket and his right at his side, holding a pointer stick.

"Good evening and Welcome to the JTN weather station. I am Sasazuka Eishi." He spoke in his usual monotoned voice. He then turned to the right to the map of japan and pointed the pointer stick at the northern part. "Here in the hokkaido, there will actually be about an inch of snowfall, especially in the area around and on Mt. Asahidake, this area's general tempretures around twenty three degrees fahrenheit, probably going to drop to around seventeen during the night."

He then pointed to Honshu. "It's going to be a little nicer but..." He moved his pointer stick to a small rainy area which was in a loop going from the east to honshu, coming in from the east fairly quickly. He made circles around it with the pointer then traced it inland. "... There will be a little rain from the pacific ocean in two to four hours from now at the latest, expect about two inches of it. The expected general tempreture for his area is twenty eight degrees and will drop to twenty during the night." He sighed, his pointer arm dropping to his side.

He pulled the right hand from his pocket and used his middle finger and indes finger to pull out in the cigarette. He blew out smoke and placed the cigarette between his lips again. Sasazuka pointed to Shikoku with the pointer. "Shikoku will also receive some rain but it will be scattered, on and off durning the entire week. We're not quite sure now much rain this area will receive but only about an inch at the most. The general area for Shikoku with be thirty one and twenty seven during the night." He then pointed to Kyushu.

"Kyushu will have cloudy skies with a general tempreture of-" At that moment, Ishigaki rushed in.

"Sempai! There was a special on Takoyaki and i bought a bunch and i thought during your break we could ea-" Ishigaki was cut off when he stepped on screen and was kicked in the face. Quite frankly all the veiwers only saw a blue screen with little icons of things like sunny skies and snow and rain with some soft music.

The screen returned to Sasazuka standing next to the map, clapping off his hands. In the background you could see ishigaki, on the floor, limbs tied into a pretzel-like shape. "Gomen, we had a bit of a disturbance." He said bowing slightly. "As i was saying, Kyushu will have cloudy skies with the general tempreture of thirty eight and will drop to only about thirty four overnight." He was pointing with his finger now.

He coughed a little bit and bent down, getting the pointer off the floor, then pointing to the islands, Nansei. "Nansei will have clear and sunny skies with somes wind and will become overcast later in the day, the general tempreture will be a stunning fourty three and will unfortunately drop to thirty one as it gets later." He let his pointer arm drop and adjusted his right hand within his coat pocket.

"I'm Sasazuka Eishi and Thank you for watching, this has been the JTN, channel 777 news weather station. Back to you Yako-chan." He said, the screen fading out and going to the main news room with Neuro and Yako again.

"Arigato Sasazuka-san, great job as always." Yako nodded to her left. "As accurate as always isn't he Neuro?"

"Indeed Sensei!" He chirped, Yako sweatdropped.

"Anyway, how about you do the first story?" Neuro nodded.

"Certainly!" A screen with a line graph statistic on came up.

"As you can see from the charts behind me, sales of college textbooks have dropped drastically. Authorities and the Katsuragi Detective service both think that the reason students aren't buying books is because they get illegal copies from the internet. Authorities are baffled to where the copies are coming from and how they might stop it."

Neuro sighed. "This situation first started in October and it's still getting worse. It is now December 2nd and Authorities only have a few plans to stop this illegal book copying and say that they will continue to try to find a way to stop it." Neuro turned to Yako. "How long do you think it will take, Sensei?"

Yako shook her head. "I dunno Neuro, but i hope they do something quick or i might be the only one in my future college who buys their books!"

Neuro laughed in that sickeningly innocent way, meaning that he had come up with a way to be innocent and torture her at the same time. "I hope it's soon. Now to slave numb-"

"Now to Godai-san with Sports!" Yako quickly cut him off, jumping in front of him in front of the camera veiw.

The camera switched to a baseball diamond with a game playing. Godai sat in the front row wearing his usual attire, red shirt black pants, you know. He turned towards the camera and sighed, getting up. He mumbled something that sounded a bit like 'just get it over with.'. He then stood on the bottom stair while the camera was on one of the higher stairs.

Godai dug into his pocket and pulled out a cue card. "Hello, I'm Godai Shin- Oh forget it!" He yelled, throwing it over his shoulder, glaring into the camera.

"Hey, i'm at the stupid Chunichi versus Hiroshima game." He growled, his eyes closing, obviously in trying to surpress his anger. His right eye twitched. "The _**Beep**_ing score right now is two to three, it's halfway through the game and right now Hiroshima is winning or somethin' like that bull_**Beep**_." He turned at the sound of a solid hit, cheering. The camera moved to the front of him, back towards the game.

After a minute he sighed, adjusting the collar of his shirt. "The most valuable player on the chunichi Team at the moment is surprisingly Shoji Nagamine. Not very _**Beep**_ing surprisingly, the most valuable player on the Hiroshima team is Yoshikazu Kura. A moment ago you heard a solid hit and lots of cheering _**Beep**_." There was another solid hit. "A moment ago there was a solid hit and that was the Chunichi team scoring a ho-GAH!" Godai yelled ats the homerun ball struck him square in the forehead with stunning velocity. With one last 'bleep' from the censor box, he fell, this however, happened quickly.

The people around gasped and some rose from their seats, murmuring and whispering. The cameraman came out from behind the camera and ran in front, kneeling down so only the top of his head could be seen. "Godai-san? Godai-san? Daijoubu?" He quickly went back to the camera.

"And that was the Sports with Godai Shinobu." He said quickly, the screen going to static for a split second before going back to the main news room with a astonished Yako and an 'innocent' Neuro with a hand to his mouth.

"Oh... Dear..." Yako stuttered.

"I do hope he's all right." Neuro said, innocently, kicking over yako's chair from under the table, causing her to crash to the floor. He trapped yako there by putting his shoe over her neck, and looking down, still oh so innocent. "Oh Sensei, don't tell me your THAT shaken up?" He asked, stepping down tighter. "Oh dear, she seemed to shekn up to get up. We'll just have to skip to Sasazuka-keiji answer fanmail questions." Neuro said, the camera switching off and the screen becoming black for a moment before it came back, seemingly thought a computer webcam.

The webcam showed a cubicle with lots and lots of papers, one half of the cubicle clean as can be and and other messy with all kinds of paper work and reports. There in front of the webcam was Sasazuka with a stand up microphone on his desk. Strangely enough it was TV quality.

"Hello again and welcome to the last five minutes of the JTN channel 777 news, where we answer fanmail with any questions." He said, then grabbed a white envelope. "here's the first." He opened it and read it. "Dear JTN, What is it called when you steal from yourself." He said, stating it more in a commectthen in a question like it had been written. Sasazuka set down the paper and thought for a moment. "I believe it's a momentary loss of memory when you pick something up, forget what you were going to to, then set it back down... This causes me to believe it is called 'forgetting'." He said, opening another.

"Dear JTN, what would friends do if i were to die." He thought again. "A _friend_ would probably come to your grave, give you flowers, and go to your funeral, crying. A _Best Friend_ would probably die with you." He said, grabbing another and gently tearing it open.

"Dear JTN, I believe that Sasazuka is uneeded in your news program, please remove him." Sasazuka stard down at the paper then directly into the webcam/camera. "May all your bacon burn." He snatched another.

"Dear JTN, Can an apple a day, _really_ kee the doctor away." He read aloud again, before repeating it much quieter. It was silent for a minute, then sasazuka looked up. "Yes. Yes it does, if you have good aim." He straightened his tie. "Thats all for this... stuff... back to you Yako-chan."

"Thank you Sasazuka-san." She said, a bento full of sushi on the glass table. "Our last story today is the outcome of the Chunichi versus Hiroshima game. Hiroshima won, ten to eight, it was pretty close there, but the Chunichi's best batter was out for knocking out Godai-san." She chuckled nervously. "Anyway, thats all for now, see you next time on JTN, Japan's Tentei News, Channel 777. Once again i'm Katsuragi Yako, and this is Nougami Neuro, have a good night." The camera zoomed out and the news' credits played.

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In the studio

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"Neuro! You didn't have to pin me to the floor like that!" Yako yelled.

"We were running out of time, worm." He said, grabbing her head and crushing it while he but his middle finger and idnes figners in her mouth, pulling her mouth and cheek to the side.

"Aieeee! It hurtssss! It huuuuuurtssss!"

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M!ss!ugN3ur071c: That was the first one, i'm taking a break from my others stories, i've hit a writers block, i hit it hard, so i had to make a bit of a crackish serires for vacation, i'll be back soon! Reveiwers of You've Got To Be Kidding Me, I LOVE YOU ALL! PLEASE BEAR WITH ME! I WILL CONTINUE IT AS SOON AS I CAN!!! LOVE LOVE TO ALL OF YOU!

Please reveiw, it raises my self esteem, and i need it for my self esteem problems.


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